I like myself, I like the person I am and the way I look but I don't have an ego. I am just happy with Kate. But lately I have begun doubting myself, listening to others and their negative thoughts. I haven't let it show on the outside but I feel it inside, the constant battle with myself to believe what I do, say and feel is ok. It has stopped me speaking up for what I believe in and for. So in this post you will read my beliefs, thoughts, feelings and more. They are mine and anyone who disagrees may do so but in no way am I going to be held down by this anymore. I judge no one on their choices, their life or their beliefs yet i have let so many judge me, until today when I make a stand for myself to be myself. If I feel like making these feelings or opinions known I will without feeling guilty and i will take other opinions but I won't let them affect mine. I am different in many ways to a lot of females I know, I found myself copping mountains of criticism for this yet never dishing any out myself even though I don't agree with a lot thats said. Dishing it out isn't my thing but nor is copping so much judgement.
I have breastfed both of my kids- Miss P to 16 months and Master X to 19 months and I am damn proud of it. I don't write it in the sky, I didn't do it because someone told me to I did it because I enjoyed the bond, my kids loved it and its good for them. Whats wrong with that you say? Nothing to me but wow have I heard it all- you're weird, that's gross, you will be feeding them at 7, they will never be independent, etc, etc! Really, I do something that is healthy for my child and I cop this! For the record we are planning baby #3 and that baby will hopefully be breastfed just as long, actually considering this may be our last I hope to breastfeed longer as the only reason I have stopped both times is to fall pregnant! Go ahead judge but my ears are closed. On the topic of breastfeeding I will also mention the judgement i have had on the co sleeping matters, it is much to the same extent as the breastfeeding, oh except the good one 'where do you have sex?' My answer is there is more to sex than a bed! In this household we all look after each other, if every single person in this house is getting sleep then we are all happy. My husband and I know that our children will sleep through the night in their own beds (actually Miss P already is) so we will once again be back in the same bed! Again so much judgement and nasty criticism for being there and comforting our children??? It really stumps me which is why I think it makes me so angry. When I start neglecting my children then everyone can start judging, so looks like there should never be any judgement then because I will never neglect my children.
I don't leave my kids unless its to duck out briefly during the day i.e. school appointment or acupuncture so its a max of about an hour. This seems to annoy people??? I get people asking me when is my time out from the kids? I have my time at night when they are asleep and it suits me fine. I couldn't imagine spending a night away from them (Miss P has sleepovers at Grandmas but we are at home and she asks for them) and nor do I want to go out at night only own. I really wish people would stop telling me I am weird or 'its good for you' no sorry but doing something that makes you upset is not good for you! My husband and I will go out once in a blue moon together but we have date nights at home and this we like as we know the kids are safe and happy plus we get to spend time together. Again I don't judge women who go out once a week, spend weekends away from their kids or go on holidays alone yet I cop it for wanting to be around my children all the time???? Another thing I seem to get judged on is the fact that I do all the housework, the cooking and looking after the kids. My husband is the best guy ever, he appreciates every single little thing I do for him. There is not a day goes by after 7 years that he doesn't say 'thank you for dinner hun' or can i help you or why don't you sit down and I will do that. He works very hard in a physical outdoor job so for me to do these small things for him is the least I can do. He is a great dad, my two cannot contain themselves when he gets home. It may look like he has it easy but he has to go out daily and do a job to make sure we have enough money to live, thats a huge responsibility!
I guess its been a bit of a rant this post and I do apologise for that but I needed to clear my head and take back my life, my opinions and my feelings! I am sick of hiding away my opinions or feelings because someone else doesn't agree with it or feels guilty in their life. I will never say I am right you are wrong (unless you are my husband, he hears it a lot) but I will voice my opinion and allow others to have theirs but not allow it to affect mine. Stand up for what you believe in and stay true to yourself. My time of being judged is over, if you judge me from now on you will receive a response,you may not like it but you shouldn't have judged me! I have never followed the crowd and I am not about to start. I am passionate abut my parenting, my family and my life so just try and judge me now, I dare you.
