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Thursday, 5 July 2012

By Societies Rules

Society Paves The Way

I am by far a hippy, but I believe I am a natural/attached parent, well I try to be in the best way I can be. By natural/attached I mean listening to my baby's cues in regards to breastfeeding, sleep and in general, we co sleep (in order to get sleep), I believe my children will become independent when they are ready and I believe separation anxiety is real and I help my child with it not push them through it. Ok I still use 85% disposable nappies and cloth occasionally, remember I said I try to be natural! But society today and in many Western countries tells us all of the above is ridiculous and that I am letting my child control my life! Well yes I am and yes we do in this family let our children control our life! Now before you scream that our children will be brats and get what they want, I don't mean we let them do what they please and have free range of everything! What I mean is we believe that our life now is devoted to our children who need us to guide them and attend to their needs. We plan our outings and events around our children's needs, we don't push the kids to do things even when others are making comments like "he should really be sleeping all night" or "are you still breastfeeding?" I am on number 2 child so those comments slide right off my back but when I was a new mum they confused me and made me doubt my 'mother instincts' so often! This is so wrong of our society to confuse and make new mum's doubt the best sign, their instinct! I was prompted to write this post after reading this article by Jen from The Path Less Taken (read full article here). The article was spot on and I just couldn't agree more!

Why should a mother be frowned upon because her baby sleeps better next to her? Of course the baby will it has just spent the last 9 months inside her! Now I realise this doesn't "work" for everyone and we all have our own ideas and feelings on parenting, but thats just it, if I want to comfort my child immediately after they fall then I will and it won't make him/her a sook or me a helicopter parent, no the opposite it will show my child I care and I am there to support them! I have no degree in Psychology but I do have 2 small children, I have watched my soon to be 4 year old develop and grow into a confident little girl. But guess what, shock horror, she co slept, she had separation anxiety and I nurtured that, I never left her with others (unless she was happy), I spent and still do spend all my time with her. I had people inform me that she will be cling, no confidence and won't grow- silence is golden isn't it- i now hear nothing from them and God forbid they say what a great job I have done! I am very respectful to ALL parents, even if I strongly disagree with something they do or they do things different to me, in the end it is their child and they are the parent. But what I disagree with is not being given the respect I deserve as a parent doing what I feel is best for my child! The way some people have acted in response to my mothering ways you would think I was neglecting my children not the complete opposite! Let me be the mother I choose to be, let me nurture my children the way I feel is right for them and keep your comments to yourself. No mother needs to hear someone say 'oh how does your husband feel about co sleeping or breastfeeding or you never leaving the kids', to those who ask those questions or want to here is my answer- we both realize we have 2 small children who need our undecided love and affection in order to well adjusted adults, and when they are well adjusted adults we can enjoy our 'alone' time congratulating ourselves for sticking to what we felt was best for the kids! We had children o involve them in every part of our life, to create a family not to be told 'you spend too much time with your children, what about each other' our children see us looking after each other which is worth more than a thousand words!

So go on with your parenting ways, do not let anyone stand in your way and say its wrong (unless it really s wrong as in against the law or neglect then please cease immediately) be proud of who you are as a parent and just love your kids! I don't and will not ever enforce my opinion or the way I do things on others- if asked i will offer my opinion, I will blog about my ways but never imply they are the best or better than anyone else. Our children are the next society so let's instill some good old fashioned morals and values back into them and allow them to bring up children in a world where your way isn't ridiculed or frowned upon.

Kate xxx

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