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Friday, 20 July 2012

Soak It Up

I have just put Master X back to sleep, he wakes few times through the night, likes to feed back to sleep. There are nights where I think in my head- come on baby boy just sleep, but tonight I don't think I will ever need those words again.

For weeks now a very tragic event that happened in the town I live in has constantly been playing on my mind (I won't go into it as its not my story or even someone I know story) I drive past the scene frequently and as much as you try not to think about it you just cant stop. I stumbled across the blog owned by this person and read a little, cried, read a little more, cried until I couldn't read anymore. There were precious pictures of this mother holding her deceased son and I began to sob. I have no words for the sheer pain I felt for her having to do this and the thoughts of my own children naturally enter my mind.

I know we all say it after we read or hear something tragic, but it really hit me. I am no longer going to wish Master X would sleep, as it gives me precious cuddle time with him (and luckily for me I run off not a lot of sleep quite well), I am not going to worry that others think its 'too long' to be breastfeeding still at 19 months or he "shouldn't" be waking through the night, no not anymore because I want to hold him for as long as I can, I want to treasure what I am lucky enough to have and that is my little boy. My life and world centers around our children already but from his day forward it will even more so, if Miss P wants me to sit and watch tv, the dinner prep can wait, if she wants me to play with her My Little Pony's I will, the blog or work can wait. I want to soak her up too, all her crazy ideas from that wonderful imagination she has.

Like i said we all say things after events like this then drift back to the ways we know, but I will not, for I have images in my head now that I never want to experience and images that show me how precious life is, once gone we can never get it back. I apologize for the depressive nature of this post but after reading and seeing this other post it has left me with a heavy heart but also a very blessed one. Things around here may be a little slower paced than usual and may be a little messier but I haven't lost the plot people, I'm just soaking up the little lives that live here (along with the other big life too :-))

Kate xxx

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